Mulling It Over

it is long past my bedtime. I subscribe to the early to bed early to rise rhythm of life. Sleep will not come tonight. There are many things to mull over in my mind. Some personal. Some things related to the church. Others related to our country.

So, here I am in my little office nook mulling it over.I've been disobedient this week. A few weeks ago the Lord required I step up the amount of time devoted to prayer. I did okay for a couple of weeks but this week has been a struggle. Even when I've prayed I feel like I can't breakthrough. It has felt cold. Distant. When prayer time seemed to fly by  in the past without my giving any attention to time, this week it has felt like the minutes drug by. Having said all that, the spiritual warfare has intensified at the church. Mainly manifested in bizarre health issues like infections, passing out and falling, the brakes going out on a walker causing our beloved former pastor, who just preached at Spring Creek this past Sunday, to tumble.

I mull over things at the church. God has been moving powerfully and swiftly. At times I feel like I don't know what I'm doing. We are seeing things that I did not believe would happen for a couple of years. It makes me cry out for wisdom all the more and cling to God to help me lead. I'm frustrated that I have not spent time in the office much this week. I will never begrudge taking care of my son and his knee injury. I am glad to be able to take him to the doctor and to get his MRI. I know next week there will be another follow up appointment with the surgeon to get the results of the MRI. We most like have already predicted the outcome of that consolation. I'm new on the job and already missing significant time. Even though leaders have told me it is okay I feel guilty. I want to do my job. I love God's calling on my life. I love the people I get to serve. I want to work hard for God and them. This week has not been very productive.

I remain more burdened for our country than I have ever been. There are causes for concern everywhere. I will not delve into all of that at this time. You are as aware of those concerns as I am. It causes me to pray for our country more than I ever have before. We are in deep in trouble. Only God can help us.

On top of all that, God has put a task before me so big it requires all the faith I have to believe Him for it. Something bigger than anything He has called me to before. Something He has not released me to share publicly. So I carry this burden alone. It weighs on my mind and heart all the time. At times I'm tempted to doubt and dismiss the whole thing. I made a promise years ago to obey God calling me to do anything, at anytime and anywhere. I have to follow through. I might come out looking like a fool in the end. I have to obey His leadership.

So sleep will not come. I am better served to use this time to pray. My flesh would rather be asleep, but instead of just mulling these things over I need to pray through each of them. Prayer is the path of peace when mulling things over.