Disappointed By God

 I have written for many years. I often write out of my own life experiences. This has brought a mixture of triumphant writings as well as some painful ones difficult to pen and read. Life is a mixture of both experiences. I put little stock in those who never face difficult days. Who do not struggle with their faith against the friction of trials and sufferings. I do not believe their fake plastic smiles and platitudes. Give me real people who grit through the grind of real life and real pain, tenaciously clinging to faith in Creator God. 

I live in the real world. I pastor real people who face real problems. I therefore, write real blogs. Yesterday was a difficult day. It has been a difficult week. A lady I prayed to be healed died on Sunday. I received the news yesterday that a man I have prayed for and shepherded got a serious negative medical report. He and his wife have been through so much in the past several months. When I talked with him and his wife, I could feel their and hear their exasperation mixed with tears. Even writing this disturbs me to recount in my mind. Our youngest son who prayed, quoted scripture, took faith steps and for whom Brenda and I prayed and fasted did not advance to the regional meet in track. Turner walked up to me and just buried his head on my shoulder. He has done that two others times, after the pain of tearing his ACL in his knee. I am choking back the tears reliving that moment as I write this. He was devastated. Brenda and I hurt for him but could not take the pain away. Then to top it all off, one of our best youth workers informed us she would be moving in a couple of months. 

A week and a day of one disappointment after another. Few would be willing to tackle this topic. I will. Even if I am misunderstood. I am not ashamed to say many times I am confused. After two decades of devoting myself to prayer, writing books and blogs on the topic, preaching numerous sermons, and praying hundreds of thousands of hours, I feel I know less about how prayer works than I ever have. With this one exception. I know we have to pray in the will of God. [I John 5:14-15] Disappointedly I am learning that much, if not most, of what I pray is not in His will. 

Saturday I will attend a funeral I do not understand why God disappointed by not physically healing. Later today I will be in contact with the man in the hospital. I'll try to minister to him even though I am shaken by his new diagnosis as he and his wife are. When I asked Turner how he was doing this morning he replied, "Disappointed." When we arrived at the track yesterday he walked up to me and handed me a rock saying, "God is going to slay this giant." Earlier in the day he texted me, "My God is bigger than any other runner here and I'm going to advance and run my fastest time of the year. I know my faith is bigger than a mustard seed." He did run his fastest time. He did not run fast enough to advance. Soon we will have to say goodbye to a beloved servant of the Lord who has done so much for our student ministry in such a short time. 

Yes, I admit it. I am disappointed BY God. That does not mean I am disappointed WITH God. It is does not mean that I do not love Him. It does not mean that I have quit trusting Him. It does not mean that I will not praise Him or quit serving Him. It does not mean I will quit praying. It does not mean I have lost heart and given up. 

What does it mean? It means I hurt. It means I am confused. It means I am disappointed God chose not to intervene in each of the above situations like I prayed He would. It means my finite mind cannot comprehend what He is doing or what He purposes. It means that I misunderstood the will of God in these situations. 

Isaiah 55:8-9 (NLT2)
⁸  “My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the LORD. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.
⁹  For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.

God thinks in ways we do not think. His ways and purposes are beyond our imagination. He weaves all human history into His tapestry. I just see in part for my little life. I cannot see the full picture. I cannot comprehend the full scope of what He is doing. He has a plan that is beyond my reasoning. I do not have to understand. He knows what He is doing without my input. I TRUST HIM!

He is higher than me. His thoughts are higher than mine. They are elevated on a plain I cannot grasp unless He chooses to give revelation. His ways and purposes are more advanced than my introductory course understanding of His will. I TRUST HIM EVEN WHEN I AM DISAPPOINTED!

Though I am disappointed I keep trusting. I keep singing. I keep serving. I keep writing. Writing is God's therapeutic gift for me to work my way through difficult times much like the Psalmist did. Yes, I am disappointed by God. I trust that it is all working for good because I love Him and called according to His purpose. [Rom 8:28]. I will live and believe rejoice this day in the land of the living. [Ps 27:13-14] I will again find hope in Him and His word. [Ps 71:5] I will live to fight the fight of faith another day, even when a little disappointed by God.