Yearning

 To yearn for something is to intensively long for it. It is the result of eagerly craving something. People yearn for all sorts of things. Some of those are within their grasp to secure. Others elude them. 

The question I'm pondering today is what is our greatest yearning? What is that we most intensely long for? I am sure the answers will vary from person to person. A single person might yearn to get married. A married person could yearn to be free and single again. The unschooled may yearn for knowledge and education. The learned may long for days when they did not know so much. A person can yearn for noble things as well as dishonorable things. What is that you most yearn for? 

I wrote extensively last week about a recent prayer retreat I took to east Texas. What I did not write about was perhaps the single most significant God encounter I had while there. It will be hard to paint the picture. I will have to paint in broad in strokes because the finer details are impossible to capture. 

I sat in an easy chair praying. Mostly asking God to speak to me about whatever He had on His mind. Crying out to know Him more. The yearning for Him and His voice at that time was intense. I can say I yearned for nothing more in that moment. I felt the Psalmist in [Ps 73:25] Whom have I in heaven but You, and besides You, I desire nothing on earth. 

 I felt a strange sensation like I never felt before. It felt like every bone, muscle, organ, cell, molecule, and atom were being pulled out of my body like metal pulled to a magnet. The only way I can describe it is to say, it seemed like God was pulling me to Himself. All of me. From the inside out. The intense yearning was equally met by God's yearning. 

Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands you sinners and purify your hearts you double minded. [James 4:8]

The phrase draw near means to approach and come close. That was my desire sitting in that chair. I yearned to come closer to my God. Nothing superseded that craving. The Psalmist likened that yearning to a deer longing for water. [Ps 42:1] I wanted to come closer. Closer than I had ever been. The intensity of that moment felt like my whole body wanted to jump out of my skin in yearning. 

There is more in [James 4:8] to consider. As much as we may want to draw close, on the other end God yearns to draw closer to us. He yearns to reveal Himself. To clothe us in His love like a warm blanket just taken out of the dryer. He wants to commune with us more than we know. He wants us to get closer to Him and meets us on the journey. While we are yearning, He is tugging at our souls to get closer. 

I have been seriously seeking the Lord in prayer for nearly 30 years. I have never experienced anything like it. In that season of yearning I did not say anything. My whole body said it all. Every part of me thirsted for more of God. Every fiber hungered to feast on His presence. I did not seek Him for what He could do for me. I pursued Him just to know more of Him. He was the prize I sought. The treasure I quested to attain. 

I am not sure how long that season lasted. There has been more time spent in prayer since then back here at home. Nothing has come close to that encounter. The yearning remains. I anticipate another holy collision when the God of this universe and I meet again with mutual yearning. With the punctuating and posting this last sentence I am off to prayer room where the yearning continues.