Faking It

Many times I have heard people say, "You have to fake until you make it." That is no more true than in the church. People are good at faking it. We hide our true selves. Like boxing champion Muhammad Ali used to do the shuffle to get away from his opponent so do church people not to let people get too close.

Small group gatherings are often a sham filled with pretense rather than authenticity. The same predictable lessons are taught with the same answers given. Few if any ever venture out to reveal their inner struggles and feelings. It's easier and safer to fake it. To pretend everything is ok. To act like you have everything together.

I have been in ministry long enough to know this. We all struggle from time to time. We struggle emotionally. We struggle with temptation and sin. We struggle with sorrows. We struggle under heavy burdens. And most people do this alone. The church should be invited to the Oscars because people have learned how to act with the best of them.

A typical conversation starts with the question, "How are you?" The typical answer is, "Fine. Good." As I have aged many times when I sense people are NOT being honest I respond with something like, "How are you really? I'm not buying it. I don't believe you." Most of the time when I press a little harder the truth comes out. Burdens are unloaded. Pain is shared.

I know how to fake it too. On occasion someone has asked me how I was doing and I told the honest truth. Many times I never hear d from those people again. They seemed to avoid me. For example, someone texted me asking how I was some months ago. I asked if they really wanted to know. I replied with the truth. I have not heard from that person since. Another individual recently texted me the same question. I immediately thought about the previous text and replied differently. I texted back, "I have learned over the years people really do not want an honest answer to that question." This person assured me they did and wanted to schedule breakfast together to talk about it. That was months ago and still no breakfast with that individual.

Many people really do not want to know the truth about one another. We prefer to fake it. We prefer the little dance of inauthenticity. It is easier. It is safer. It is what everyone else is doing.

Many years ago I got invited to preach a youth retreat. I had to ride back with another man in his car just the two of us. We made small talk at first and then the man asked me a startling question about secret sins in my life. He went on to confess secret sin to me. We did not even know each other. It made me very uncomfortable. Awkward. But the man courageously refused to fake it.

Revealing the truth about ourselves makes us vulnerable. WE HATE THAT. I certainly do. On occasion I have confessed sin to my wife, best friends and even publicly when preaching. I hate that vulnerable feeling when you stand before someone with the truth exposed. We prefer the lies in the shadows.

So with all of that said, I ask you this morning, "How are you really doing?" It is safe. I am on the other side of this screen and cannot see you. I don't even know your identity if you read this. Will you continue the dance of faking it? Do you have anyone you can be honest with as you reveal the truth? Sometimes the truth is not pretty. Sometimes it is painful, tragic, ugly and hard to hear.

God did not create us to walk through this journey alone. We all need others along the way to love us, to lean on from time to time, to pray for us, to counsel us and sometimes just to listen. Do you have such a person or such people? Or do you fake it with most everyone?

As long as the church chooses the path of faking and inauthenticity the church will largely be ineffective. Something about many religious gatherings feels programmed, insincere, filled with pretense and ineffective. Can you imagine a small group gathering when someone really opened up and vomited out the truth from inside their souls. I used the word vomit because of the image that produces. People do not want the mess of someone spilling their guts. They do not care to get involved. I have seen people do this. Yes, it was messy. It was also beautiful. Liberating. Uplifting when the body of believers gathered around such people to lift them in prayer. Healing.

I have also seen this in a public worship gathering. I remember a youth camp I preached when students began to stand and openly confess sin. It was not coerced. Confessing sin was not even the topic of the message that night.

It all started with one brave girl. She stood up in tears and through sobs blubbered out, "I lost my virginity homecoming night." It felt like the air sucked out of the room. It got real quickly. I watched and waited to see what would happen. In one of the most beautiful ministry experiences I have ever seen I witnessed a youth pastor's wife and several high school girls gather around that girl to pray for her and love her. No condemnation. Just love and grace.

It prompted one of the most authentic moves of God I have ever seen. For the next hour and a half students and adults voluntarily stood to confess sins. They were all loved and prayed for by others. All of us in leadership just stared at one another in disbelief and we had the sense to stay out of God's way. When the service finally ended we were all exhausted. It takes energy and courage to enter into another's pain. It takes courage to refuse to fake it.

Psalm 51:6 (NKJV)
6  Behold, You desire truth in the inward parts, And in the hidden part You will make me to know wisdom.