Baggage

 When our sons were little and we made family trips, I inherited the nickname of "Pack Mule." I got loaded down with all the luggage as Brenda navigated getting all four of the guys into the car and strapped them in their seats. She herded them to our final destination like cattle once we arrived. I often pulled two suitcases, had to others strapped over my shoulders and made multiple trips with a family of seven at times when Jennifer lived with who is Brenda's youngest sister. 

That is not the baggage I am thinking of today. I am thinking of emotional baggage. I spent some time this weekend considering events from childhood that have impacted me to this day. In my family, I saw alcoholism on both sides of the family by multiple members. There was sexual abuse on both sides. Pedophilia on both sides. There was also physical abuse. The one that bothers me the most is the lies and secrets kept from me until I was 27 years old. Not just one or two lies. Major lies on multiple fronts. 

I brought all that baggage into my relationship with Brenda. She carried her own baggage. She dealt with abandonment issues from her father, youth minister, pastor, and serious boyfriend. It was very hard for her to trust. We both brought baggage into our marriage we did not know how to unpack at the time. We muddled our way through the first few years and made many mistakes along the way. 

I was forced to look at my baggage during an exercise at our marriage conference today. It was not pleasant. Several unpleasant memories surfaced. Things shoved down deep. Like old clothes that get shoved down to the bottom of the drawer. I have not fully processed as of yet. 

Over lunch today, Brenda and I discussed what baggage we passed onto our sons. When I look back at my family dynamics as a child it is easy to identify the dysfunction. What takes a little more effort to unpack is what that dysfunction has done and is still doing to me today. It was explained that emotional baggage can be like an underground cable that connects two different events. Some events in life today can trigger emotions from decades previous. 

If those unhealthy bags are not emptied Biblically [Ps 55:22] [I Pet 5:7], they will manifest in unhealthy emotions like fear, anxiety, anger, and depression. None of those are things will build a healthy life or marriage. One of by one those unhealthy areas must be cleansed and refined. It may prove to be a painful process to deal with the past, but the end result could be mental and emotional health. 

We must be willing to unpack our bags. One thing I remember from those family trips is that when we got back home we unpacked our bags. We did not live out of suitcases. One by one dirty clothes went into dirty laundry hampers to be washed and ready to wear again. 

There are things I have to unpack and run through the redemptive cleansing of God. What Satan meant for evil God can turn and work it toward my good. [Rom 8:28] He can cause all things to work together for our good. He can use the pain to refine us and reshape us. He can also use us to minister to people who carry the same baggage we used to carry. May we unpack and press on to be better vessels in His hands.