It's a Lonely Life

 The older gentleman walked into my office looking for some information about the cemetery across the street. I did have the information he needed, but connected him with the person who did. 

He told me a very sad tale. He was looking for some family members' graves, but could not find one of them. He had not been out here in a very long time and forgotten what part of the cemetery his loved ones were buried in. He told me about two sisters who died very young and tragically. The youngest died first. She was curious about the commode flushing and stepped upon a stool her big sister used. She lost her balance and fell headfirst into the commode as it filled with water. Her arms got pinned on the sides of the seat. She tragically drowned at only two years old. Just a few years later the older sister died at six from complications from seizures. The parents still live with grief and guilt. 

I could see the pain in the man's eyes as he talked about those girls he loved so much. He did not even tell other family members he was coming to visit the graves because of the pain it would cause. 

Then he told me about losing his wife to cancer. She died two years ago. She told him she wanted him and her to be buried on top of one another so they could be always be close. A sweet sentiment. His parting words penetrated deeply. He said just before he wheeled to leave, "It's a lonely life."If the eyes are the window to the soul, this man's soul was grieving. I listened to him and reassured him as best I could. 

Over the years, I have ministered to many widows and widowers who are forced to trudge through the remainder of their lives without their spouse. Some navigate this difficult season better than others. Some find ways to keep choosing joy and to keep living. Others can stuck in the rut of grief and are never able to free themselves. When you spend decades of your life with someone, eating meals together, watching television together, shopping, taking trips, going out to eat on special occasions, worshiping together, sharing holidays, having and rearing children, all of that changes abruptly when one of them dies. It leaves a gaping hole in the heart. 

Where as before, you were known as a couple, you are thrown back into the vast stream of single hood. You may feel like a third wheel. You often opt to stay at home rather than join other couples on their outings. You sit at home in an empty house repeating the same monotonous routine. A person can only watch so much tv and read so many books. You feel isolated, forgotten, and sometimes in the throes of depression you seldom talk about. You try to put on a happy face when you have to be in public. 

It's a lonely life for a lot of people. Lonely for the divorced. Countless tear splattered prayers for reconciliation went unheeded. You sit confused wondering how you got where you are. What started out as marital bliss ended in heartbreak. Now you are trying to pick up the pieces of shattered dreams of happily ever after. You are caught in a nightmare you never wanted and cannot escape. Bitterness can sometimes seep in and replace the empty places where love abided. Nobody notices and it appears nobody cares. 

Somedays it is hard to get out of bed for the surviving widow, widower, or divorcee. Somedays it is by sheer will power that common duties are done. Like cooking, laundry and paying bills. Those who grieved with you initially have all moved on with their lives. They have their own responsibility and you sure do not want to be a bother. So you go on suffering silently. You languish in your loneliness. 

Is there any hope, any words of comfort, anything that can ever make things better? I dare not pass on worn out cliches that often damage more than they help. All I have is scripture. God's word that serves like medicine. Many times I have quoted Ps 34:18 to the suffering and grieving. I have also pointed people to Ps 30:5. I know what it is like to live through nights of weeping. I have also seen the joy come in the morning in due time. Ps 46:1 has helped me through some very difficult times. I pray it often in pastoral ministry. Those verses do not take the sting away. Maybe they help through the hardest times to press on a little farther. To make it through one more night, one more day, one more week, and one more anniversary or holiday. My heart aches with you. 

While the world moves on, I know some of you never will in the same way. Everything changed for you. It's a lonely life now. God promises He will never leave us or forsake us. Like someone once told me, "Sometimes I need Jesus with skin on." Meaning sometimes I need people to call, to visit, to write, and to remember. Maybe you could be Jesus with skin on for someone living a lonely life today.