Rummaging through my library this morning, I found my first journal. I opened it with some curiosity. What was on my mind all those decades ago? This is part of what I wrote on July 12, 1990. "Today I came back from seeing Brenda. With every day I spend with her, my heart becomes more attached. I love her more than I life itself. I keep trusting God to renew our love and to draw us close."
At the time of that entry, we both graduated from college the previous May. She was in Fort Worth well established in her career. I still lived in Brownwood working for the Howard Payne maintenance department and working part time at a little church as a youth minister. We broke up for a year. Our love was rekindled during graduation weekend.
That was 32 years ago. I am still madly in love with that woman. Just this morning she reached over to hold my hand in the predawn hours. She rolled over into my arms and I held her. After 31 years of marriage, we still love being together. We still flirt. We still kiss in the kitchen when she comes in from work and I come in from my workout. We enjoy sitting in our chairs next to each other. Me reading and her watching television or scrolling through her phone. We love our breakfast dates on the weekends. We certainly enjoy time with our four sons and Taylor's fiancé, Abby. We also enjoy just being together the two of us.
Back on July 12, 1990 we lived hours apart. We did not have cell phones. We wrote letters and I made several weekend trips to see her. Being away from her for weeks on end felt like muscle being ripped from my bones. All these years later, I still get to enjoy her. I still bask in the time we spend together. I love her more now than I did back then.
I also wrote something else of interest back in that first journal entry. "I long to serve a church and I patiently wait to see God's hand in this. I want to pastor a small church outside Fort Worth somewhere. I know God has a place for me because my heart is burdened for it."
Fast forward 32 years. I am now serving as pastor of a church outside Fort Worth in Weatherford, TX. A church God would allow me to serve as youth pastor just before Brenda and I were married on June 29, 1991. A church I dreamed of coming back to one day as pastor and believe God showed me that would happen in the early 1990's.
Here I am wedded to the girl of my dreams and wedded to the flock of my dreams. It is amazing to see how God brought all that together. I find it providential I stumbled across that old journal entry. It serves as a reminder that through the triumphant times as well as the travails, God has seen me through. He truly gave me the desires of my heart. [Ps 37:4] Delight yourself in the LORD and He will give you the desires of your heart.
He certainly did that for me. I trust that He can do that for you too. Sometimes we have to wait for those desires. I did not marry Brenda until a year later after that entry. I didn't serve Spring Creek as pastor for 30 more years, but thank God I am here now. Thank God for His loving kindnesses poured out on this gospel stammerer.
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