Not everyone is blessed to have siblings. Not everyone is blessed to have more than one sibling. There is often a pecking order in families of multiple children. Normally the older rule the younger. There are exceptions to this rule. Natural born leaders can usurp this age graded pecking order. Our third son often led his older brothers when they played as lads.
Some know the frustration of growing up in an older sibling's shadow. To constantly be compared to them. To face unrealistic expectations because of them. To watch or perceive favoritism on the older brother or sister. In those shadows, some people lose their God ordained identity. They are constantly caught in the spin cycle of the comparison game, not just in childhood, but also through all of life. It is a trap.
One child may excel at math but hate reading. Another may be a gifted musician while another talented with their hands to fix mechanical problems. One or more may excel in athletics while other siblings may excel in academics. God created us all differently.
I had the blessing of growing up the oldest. I did not have to live in anyone's shadow. I blazed my own trails. Hard trails for a younger brother to follow. I cannot say that my brother Bill did not have to live in my shadow. He did not enjoy athletics. He loved to tinker and fix things. I loved working out. He loved working on bicycles, vehicles and anything else he could get his hands on. I enjoyed moderate success in athletics. He got lost in my shadow. He had not athletic achievements to show.
I got saved in high school. Bill turned to more destructive behaviors coping with inner pain none of us knew was even there. He drank. He is very smart, but despised school. He dropped out. I think partly because of me. I have a vivid memory in my mind. We were both sitting in high school classes in adjacent buildings. This is back when classes had windows in them. I was a senior and he was a junior. He saw me and started waving enthusiastically. I think he was proud of his big brother. I never thought he was jealous of me. Instead of waving back, I mocked him to my classmates trying to appear cool. I ridiculed him. When he saw everyone looking at him and laughing he waved even more. He had no idea I was stabbing him in the back.
I got into Jesus and church. He got deeper into alcohol and other harmful behaviors. He eventually dropped out of school and drifted from place to place. Eventually alcohol trapped him. He has spent the past 30 years in and out of jail for alcohol related offenses. He met Jesus in prison and is active in a church now. I appeared to the good son. I had my demons too. I fought to keep them secret. I may have gone to church often and learned about Jesus. My secret sins were just as offensive as Bill's were. I just learned to hide them better. I am sured my mom and teachers compared him to me constantly.
He used to call and curse me out in drunken rages calling me a hypocrite. He was right. I could preach about the love of God to the masses, but I did not love my brother. I could pastor people and minister to their needs, but I ignored Bill. I confess that years went by when I did not even think about him. Out of sight out of mind.
I saw him at a funeral unsuspectingly after years of no contact. I barely recognized him. Life has been hard for Bill and taken a toll on his body. Just like in high school, he approached happy to see me after so many years. I felt my blood pressure rising and all I wanted to do was to get out of that conversation. I was a hypocrite. I held bitterness toward him for many things. I blamed him for killing Mama because of his antics which led her to having a heart attack. She lingered another three months after that with severe brain damage. He had upset her and I harbored that down deep. He left town soon after her funeral.
It never dawned on me until today what it must have been like for him to live in my shadow. I enjoyed football success. I got the scholarship to go to college. I graduated college. Brenda and I enjoyed a beautiful church wedding. He had to be there to watch all of it. He could have been envious. If he was I never knew it. People patted me on the back, congratulated me all the while ignoring him standing there. They failed to encourage him. To see his value and potential.
For the first time in my life, I realize that living in my shadow could not have been easy. God didn't create Bill to be an athlete, pastor, preacher or writer. God created him to be a craftsman. He got the first home computer I ever saw one Christmas. That machine intimidated me. I wanted nothing to do with it. Not Bill. He jumped right in learning how it worked. I asked for a typewriter that same year. He learned to work with his hands. To fix anything. I pay people to fix things for me because my mind is not mechanically engineered. He can construct anything. I failed wood shop class in junior high school. He has skills I will never have. He does his work behind the scenes and gets satisfaction from creating something beautiful or making something work again that was broken. He works hard. Scratching out a living with the sweat of his brow. I sit in an office or stand on a stage to do my work.
Bill serves people. He is loving, forgiving, and tender hearted. Always willing to lend a helping hand. He is a dreamer just like me. I rarely talk to him that he does not share some new dream in his heart. We stay in touch better these days. I still remember our first conversations after he found my number somehow years in-between any form of communication. He ended it saying, "I love you brother." It was awkward for me to say those same words in return. Over time, I came to mean them.
Today I celebrate my little brother. A gifted craftsman that I will never be. Much more tender hearted than me. He has fought his demons and found victory in Jesus. He may stumble from time to time. He always gets back up. He works hard every day to stay sober and to scratch out a living for his family. I admire him. He could have just as easily given up. He could have turned away from Jesus during the tough times. He did not do that. So today I say, "Bill, I love you brother. I am sorry you had to live in my shadow. God created you with unique design and purpose. While it is different than mine, it is not less important. Today I sit in your shadow as a master craftsman and mechanic. I'm proud of you."
You were also made with intentional design. Created in the image of God. Formed with purpose. Blaze the trails God ordains for you and do not settle to live in anyone's shadow. You have value to God and purpose in life.
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