From I Do To I Don't

A young starry eyed couple stand before the preacher or a judge. The one officiating asks the couple to exchange some promises better known as wedding vows. They are asked if they so promise. Normally the couple will answer, "I do." The marriage covenant is sealed with rings and  a kiss. All is bliss. The fairy tale will say they lived happily ever after.

Reality is much different than the fairy tale. Years down the road that same couple, who once were so deeply in love, are now at each other's throats. Their normal routine is fussing and fighting. Then one or both go from, "I do," to, "I don't." A lawyer is secured and divorce is put into legal motion.

What happened? How did the once happ[y couple end up there? The reasons are many. Most come into the marriage with unrealistic expectations. They don't understand that marriage is hard work. It takes sacrifice. It requires servanthood on both parts. I requires a commitment to covenant even when the spouse can make you as mad as a hornet. It is keeping the romance alive by still dating. It takes open communication to work through hurt feelings, misunderstandings and selfishness.

All of this takes lots of work. Marriage is not easy. It takes adjustments. I came into my marriage with Brenda with some unrealistic expectations. I grew up in a house with my mother and grandmother. They were excellent cooks. They cooked from scratch. Not one time in my childhood or high school years did they ever cook a casserole. I grew up on homemade yeast biscuits. Made from scratch pancakes, except we called them hot cakes. We ate stew, stuff bell peppers, roast and potatoes, stew and a delightful meatball and spaghetti recipe that takes me back to those years just smelling it. Everything was homemade. I grew up spoiled.

Breda is an exceptional cook. She did not grow up eating the same way. When we married there was an adjustment period. I made the mistake of telling her once my mother did not cook the way she did at which she responded, "I'm not your mother!" I backed away cautiously.

I also had a mother who picked up my dirty clothes from off the floor to wash them. Something Brenda wasted no time training me to do otherwise. The same thing with dishes. I could go on. I had a lot to learn.

One thing Brenda and I decided while dating. Divorce would not be an option. We both grew up with divorced parents.  Our mothers did the best they could. We never wanted our children to experience that. Along the last 29 years there have been some rocky times. Times when I wounded her. Times when we both worked too much and neglected one another. Added to all that, was the addition of four unplanned for sons in rapid succession. Unplanned by us, but planned by God. There have been never ending financial trials, relocations, ministry successes and failures.

Through it all I have grown to love her more than ever. I walked in the bathroom while she was putting her make up on for work this morning. I commented to her, "I am madly in love with you." Then I started kissing her, at which she found displeasure interrupting her from getting ready. We still laugh together. We share private jokes. We also have some hidden codes like SHMILY. Ask me sometime I will tell you what that means. We leave those letters for each other or send them in texts. We still flirt. We enjoy dates. She is my best friend. IT HAS NOT BEEN EASY.

Marriage is work. A happy marriage is even harder work. The Bible lays out responsibilities for both the husband and the wife. It takes a lot of servanthood. A lot of working together. Much communication. She is still the woman of my dreams. She has followed me down hard paths. She is not afraid to speak her mind if she thinks I am missing God's leadership.

When she calls I still answer, "Hello my love." I made up a song for her just the other day that went like this, "Brenda, Brenda, Brenda you are own my agenda." I sang it so much privately and publicly she grew tired of it. That girl captured my heart in college, and never let it go. Today, I still say, "I do."