Once I was low on gas and funds. Another pastor invited me to breakfast. He told me he was buying or I would not been able to join him. After breakfast, he asked me to follow him to a nearby gas station because he wanted to fill my truck off. How do I explain that other than God. It happened again with a farmer in Seminole on a ministry trip. He had me follow him to has station.
On another occasion when we did have money for groceries and our sons were little, grocery bags ended up on our door step without us ever mentioning our need. To this day I have no idea where those groceries came from except God.
On five occasions we celebrated God's provision of miracle vehicles. A Caprice Classic, Jeep Grand Cherokee, Silverado 4 door truck, a Mazda 6 and a Lincoln Continental. All of those vehicles are old but they are paid for. They all still run.
Twice God has made a way for put down payment on houses and provision to live there through extremely difficult financial times. God called a person in each situation to come along side us and make the house payments. Only God can do that.
We have been blessed with beds, mattresses, recliners, couches, end tables all to make the parsonage in Weatherford like home. Over the years, we have also been given a washing machine, vacuum cleaner, refrigerator, deep freeze and dressers. Those are all wonderful testimonies.
What most people don't know near as much about is all the unanswered prayers. All the seasons of doubt. The warfare in the waiting. The numerous set backs. The constant barrage of trials that have left my closest confidants speechless and baffled. Life and ministry have not been easy.
I do not fudge the truth when I say I have prayed thousands of hours over the past decade. Much of that has been asking God for provision to get through one trial after anther. Medical, educational, car repairs, body work on four wrecked vehicles and so on. Things out of our control. God has done so much. He has also left so many trial problems unsolved for longer than I wanted.
For the past decade the pattern of our lives included facing one mountain after another, begging God to move it, watchin Him do so, often at the last possible moment, only to turn around and face another mountain. The journey of faith may sound exciting, but at times it can wear a person down.
I often asked God why life had to be so hard for us. I saw others seemingly breezing through life. I would doubt and get discouraged. God would pull me out often through studying to preach. I cannot tell you how many times God spoke to me through a passage and I shared it with others. I just preached what He first preached to me.
Over the years, I seem them in the crowd. The ones who have felt my frustration and anguish over unanswered prayer. You see it in their eyes. They say the eyes are the window to the soul and I believe it. The disappointment with God deep set in the eyes. Nobody says it out loud, but the eyes tell the story of frustration, pain, and confusion.
In the past, most of the sermons God has used powerfully through me have been the ones born out of my private struggles. Those words from the Lord resonated with people. They felt what I felt. They struggled with the same issues I struggled through to find victory. They barely clung to hope with their fingernails like I had. The titles run through my mind, If You Are Willing, Be Still, Look Up, Only Believe, Restoring What Is Withered, Valley of Dry Bones, Water Walker, From Mara To Elim and many more.
With moist eyes people wondered why their loved had not been healed. With broken hearts they questioned why God delayed in helping in the day of their trouble. They barely could worship due to a crushed faith. They sat with heavier burdens than most imagined and suffered silently. I felt the connection as I preached those messages and relayed great truths about the faithfulness of God in hopeless situations. When I get to share how God brought us through trying time after trying time I can actually see hope and faith resurrect in people.
If I were really honest, I would tell you many times I've wished for an easier life. A more normal life. Then I am reminded. If my family's struggles can help one person, one family or one church then the sorrows were not wasted. If anything I write ever helps anyone around the world, the sufferings and set backs have been worth it.
Many years ago I prayed a simple prayer about preaching and writing. For years I repeated the prayer in angst. It seemed God did not answer. My prayer was, "God, please use me to help people. Please use my preaching and writing to help people."
Last night God opened my eyes to that answer in a tangible way. It is not important how He did that. The important thing is God opened my eyes to see how He has used my brokenness to do the very thing I asked Him for so long. He used my pain to help others in pain. He used my trials and His faithfulness intervention to encourage people.
If I were honest, I would say this road is hard God has called my family to walk. It can be a lonely road. Jesus has met me on this road. He helped me up after doubts sunk my faith like Peter walking on the water. He has gently rebuked me and reminded of all the times He came through in the past. I reset my mind and go back to the prayer closet. I labor in prayer like a workman on his job for my family, the flock God has entrusted to me and other broken people. Life in ministry has been hard. I can also say it has been rewarding beyond belief.
I wish you could see what I see when God mixes my pain with His purpose through His word to touch hurting, disappointed people with hope. That is when I feel the most alive. That is when every molecule in my body shouts, "Yes. Glory to God. It has all been worth it for this moment."
If I am truly honest, I have to say if God will keep moving in my family and doing impossible things, if He uses us to help struggling people, if He will enlarge our platform to testify about His faithfulness, I will keep walking this path of faith for His glory. May it help others on their journey not to lose heart.
2 Corinthians 5:7 (ESV)
7 for we walk by faith, not by sight.
6 And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.
No comments:
Post a Comment