Blessing And Brokeness

It was a long hard journey. Relocating is never easy. Many logistics had to be planned. There were tearful and contentious goodbyes. The move required several overnight stops. Little children were involved slowing the pace even further. Because the family worked in the agriculture industry, livestock had to be relocated as well. Every facet of the move proved exhausting.

When Jacob laid his head down to sleep he had a surprise visitor. All night he wrestled with the visitor. He did not get a wink of sleep that night as he struggled with his opponent. As the day began to dawn Jacob's opponent urged to be let go so he could depart. Jacob responded, "I will not let you go unless you bless me."

Jacob got more than he bargained for. He got blessed and he also got broken. Turns out Jacob wrestled with God manifested in flesh. He struck Jacob in the hip so that for the rest of his life he walked with a limp.

We want the blessing. We shun the brokenness that comes with blessings many times. I am blessed to serve the church where I minister now. There was eight excruciatingly painful years of brokenness before my family got to Spring Creek.

The years 2014-2017 I nearly cracked. I went through the long dark night of the soul. I lived engulfed in darkness and despair. Nothing brought me out. Not prayer. Not reading my Bible, not reading other books, not seeking counsel from others or anything else I tried. I sunk deeper into a blackhole I cant describe and hope I never visit again.

There were days I did not think I would make it. I not only lost heart, but also lost hope. On top of all that was the repeated rejection. Rejection of people I thought were trusted friends. Rejection by a community I once held dear to my heart. Rejection by multiple other churches. It felt like nobody wanted me, but my family, and at times my private battles even pushed them away.

One prayer at a time, one devotion at a time, one step at a time, one day at a time, one sermon at a time God helped me endure. When door after door got shut I questioned God. I nearly lost my grip. I slipped and slid down the rope of faith. That is when God blessed me. It started with an email from the chairman of the Spring Creek search committee.

Months later there was another email, followed by an interview. There was an invitation to come preach, a vote and a call extended. From where I sit this morning, I see the blessing of God, but I also see the road of brokenness I had to travel to get here. It makes me appreciate the blessing all the more. I can also see there was divine purpose in the pain. All that pain and brokenness were not wasted years. It all served to prepare me for where I am today.

I have been chewing on Jacob's response, "I will not let you go unless you bless me," for a couple of days now. Do we really have that same bulldoggish attitude to wrestle with God in prayer. To grapple for blessings God may withhold simply to test us ore prepare us. It is hard to prevail in prayer when you keep getting denied. Many may be right on the threshold of unfathomable blessings from God if  they do not lose heart and hope.

Renew your grip. Summon new strength and cling to God as tenaciously as Jacob did. Resolve to persevere and prevail in securing your blessing. Don't be surprised if it also comes with some brokenness too.

Genesis 32:22-32 (ESV)
²²
 The same night he arose and took his two wives, his two female servants, and his eleven children, and crossed the ford of the Jabbok.
²³  He took them and sent them across the stream, and everything else that he had.
²⁴  And Jacob was left alone. And a man wrestled with him until the breaking of the day.
²⁵  When the man saw that he did not prevail against Jacob, he touched his hip socket, and Jacob’s hip was put out of joint as he wrestled with him.
²⁶  Then he said, “Let me go, for the day has broken.” But Jacob said, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.”
²⁷  And he said to him, “What is your name?” And he said, “Jacob.”
²⁸  Then he said, “Your name shall no longer be called Jacob, but Israel, for you have striven with God and with men, and have prevailed.”
²⁹  Then Jacob asked him, “Please tell me your name.” But he said, “Why is it that you ask my name?” And there he blessed him.
³⁰  So Jacob called the name of the place Peniel, saying, “For I have seen God face to face, and yet my life has been delivered.”
³¹  The sun rose upon him as he passed Penuel, limping because of his hip.
³²  Therefore to this day the people of Israel do not eat the sinew of the thigh that is on the hip socket, because he touched the socket of Jacob’s hip on the sinew of the thigh.