Even If He Kills Me

 [Job 13:15] Even if He kills me, I will hope in Him, I will still defend my ways before Him. CSB

Job suffered as much or more than any human being ever suffered. He lost his wealth, his servants, and his children. If that were not bad enough, he also lost his health. In all of it Job did not curse God. 

Adding misery to his misfortunes his friends came to comfort. They did not comfort. They accused Job of wrongdoing. They judged Job's suffering because they could not explain it. It did not make sense why such a righteous man would suffer so severely unless God was punishing him for offenses he had committed. 

Add all of that up and we end up at Job 13:15. Job sees the source of his pain as God. He does not have the vantage point of knowing that God allowed Satan to attack. He only knows emotional, physical and spiritual pain. That is when he makes his statement. A desperate cry and a statement of faith all wrapped into one. 

Even if He kills me. I am sure that is exactly how Job felt. Like God was slowly and systematically killing him. Life was being sucked out of him. So was hope. Instead of giving up, Job makes a bold declaration of faith. Even if God required Job's life, Job would not give up on God. He would not quit trusting. He would not grow bitter. He would not lose hope. 

I admire Job. I have lost hope with far less trials. I have questioned God in the midst of tumultuous seasons wondering why and if the storms would ever relent. More than once I have been drawn to this passage. 

Other translations record, "Even if You slay me." Sometimes it may feel like God is trying to kill or slay us with the onslaught of difficulties hurled our direction. Even as I write this, I am dealing with the third straight day of piercing pains in my head above my right ear. At first, I thought I had an ear infection. As time passed, I realized the sharp pain did not originate in my ear. Periodically a sharp pain hits causing me to wince. It is not a sustained pain. A sharp pain that has been unrelenting every minute or so. Prayers for relief have not brought healing. I endured yesterday alternating pain medicines. I awoke this morning in desperate prayer and reaching for more pain relief medication after the prayers were not answered with healing. 

Then yesterday while eating breakfast I had another bleed in my right eye. This has happened multiple times over the past several years. I could tell immediately what was happening. Soon a cloudy film built up causing me to be unable to see five feet in front of me out of my right eye. Everything is blurry. I will see my eye doctor next week, but for the foreseeable future have to navigate life and ministry with one eye. Added to all of that, I have counted the loss of over 40 people from our church in the past year through death, relocation, or leaving for other churches. 

I awoke this morning contemplating Job's words. Though you kill me, though you slay me, I will hope in Him. I expect goodness from Him. I will anticipate better days of Him. I will not give into doubts and the futile thoughts of depression. I will hope in Him. Hour by hour. Even if the unrelenting pain in my head turns into something more than a migraine. Even if the vision is not restored quickly. Even if the attendance at the church does not rebound ever. I really have no other choice but to hope in Him. 

Doctors can treat my symptoms, but they cannot heal me. God can. Experts can diagnose a dozen reasons for our dwindling attendance, but they cannot make the church grow. God can.

Hope can be fragile when built on anything other than God. Money cannot purchase hope. If it could many would reverse the devastating effects of divorce, disease, and disaster. Money cannot insulate us from suffering. Neither can faithfulness to God. Nobody was more faithful to God in his generation than Job. Job got slammed with sufferings. Godly people suffer. We may not get to choose what things we face in life. We can choose with what attitude we face them. Job chose to trust and hope in God. I must do the same. 

Many people turn to destructive behaviors to cope with suffering. They go to great lengths to dull the pain. It never lasts. When they get sober or wake up from a prodigal journey away from God, they are still facing the same pain. 

God is our hope. In my situation I know God has the power to instantaneous make my headache disappear. In the twinkling of the eye, He can remove the cloudy film in my right eye and restore my vision. That is easy for Him. That would also make it easy to hope. When the pain persists, when the vision is obscured, and hope is still maintained in God, God is honored and glorified. 

This is my test. God's work in me and through me during this season is my testimony. If I doubt now, give up now, turn from God now, then I am a hypocrite. Shall I accept good from God and not also the bad when it comes. 

Job found hope in God and so will I. That did not keep Job from pleading his case before the Almighty. It does not keep me from asking God to intervene in my circumstances. It should not keep you from doing the same. 

In the end, God did not kill Job. He restored Job's blessing double. He rebuked Job's friends who did not know what they were saying. Job passed the test and left us a lasting testimony. With God's help to persevere in hope may we do the same. Even if He kills us may we continue to find hope in Him.