Christmas Day

 It's early. 3:22 to be exact. Everyone is still asleep. I am up thinking about the events of Christmas Eve. Teaching, preaching, and shepherding. A full day to be sure. Capped off by my favorite service of the year with our annual Christmas Eve candlelight service. 

Oddly I am not excited about our gift exchange as a family. Gifts are piled high. It will be another banner year for the Edwards clan. I am excited to have all our sons home for sure. That happens less often these days as we are spread out all over the state. Three in west Texas and one locally. We laugh about past memories and celebrate our own family traditions. Even some of those traditions don't excite me as much as they used to do. 

I've reflected a great deal on the Christmas message this year. Looking at things from Joseph's and Mary's point of view. Even considering the prophetic predictions of the Prince of Peace coming. Jesus came in the cradle of a manger predetermined to end up on the cross for redemption. The weight of that gift and sacrifice are as real to me today as they have ever been. 

I pause to reflect on the meaning of the season. Part of me wants to get back to work. To get through the holiday season when so many things shut down. There are messages to prepare, blogs to write, people to shepherd, events to plan, and souls to win. That is why I am up so early. I am wide awake and ready to get on with the work at hand. 

My heart is also heavy this morning. I am thinking of many people who will be alone today lost in grief. I think of man who was married 62 years. He still goes to the cemetery every day to visit the grave of his dearly departed wife. I think of another family who watched their father and husband suffer a traumatic medical emergency on this day one year ago. He was rushed to the hospital where they fought to save him in ICU for over a week. They did all they could do, but in the end he died. Christmas day will never be the same for that family. I think of another widow who lost her husband this year. She now sits in the pew alone. It will be her first Christmas without her soul mate. She will have children and grandchildren around her, but there is still loss. I think of one precious lady who is spending this day in the hospital with serious ailments. Instead of enjoying the comforts of home, she is in a bed hooked to wires and fighting to regain her health. I think of other families who will wake up to quiet houses as families have all scattered back to their own homes. Another family lost the matriarch of their clan this past year. Those beloved ladies were wives, mothers, grandmothers, and even great grandmothers. Their death has left a huge void which cannot be replaced. This Christmas will be different for them. 

Christmas day means a lot of things for a lot of different people. For some this is a joyous festive day. For others it is sad and lonely day. I find myself caught in between. I am thrilled to have Brenda, Taylor, Abby, Tanner, Tucker, and Turner around me. I will enjoy watching them opening their gifts. Especially Brenda who gives so much to our family. I love watching the boys get excited to shop for her and see the joy of giving to their mother brings to them. Just having my family around me is gift enough for me. My heart is heavy for the flock who grieve this day. It is mixed bag of emotions for me. 

On top of all that, I ponder where my life would be if I had not been introduced to Jesus. I would never have met Brenda, because I would never have heard of Howard Payne University. I would not be preaching. I would still be stuck in the sewer of sin I see my extended family still trapped in. The last time I visited with my brother he was facing incarceration again. 

Without Jesus I would not have met such great friends as Jimmy Downe, Eric Adcock, Jeff Robinson, Jase Waller, Mike and Julie Carter, and wonderful people we have met at churches we have pastored and staff members we have served with. My life has been enriched with people. Tremendously talented and gifted people. None of them would be a part of my life without Jesus. 

I don't know what I would be doing or where I would be living if I had not met Jesus. I know I would not be living out my passion in preaching and shepherding a church. I most likely would be writing for a newspaper and still living back in Lufkin. I probably would have married my high school girl friend and not be involved in a church. I am not sure such a marriage would have survived without Jesus as the glue. 

No gift I could ever receive today will match the gift of salvation I received when I was 17 and all the subsequent blessings that came along afterward. NO PACKAGE UNDER ANY TREE CAN COMPARE WITH THAT. 

These are some of my musings on this Christmas morning. A cornucopia of convoluted thoughts. I will enjoy my family. Try to laugh with them, take snap shots of the heart, make lasting memories. One day all the boys will be married with families of their own. We will have to share them with the in laws. One day the hustle and bustle of a busy home will again be silenced as they all go their own ways to pursue their own dreams. It will just be Brenda and I again. She is my best friend. We love spending time together. I will enjoy the blessings of this day and try to slow down enough to enjoy family while we are together. I will resist the temptation to go hole up in my office or to get lost in a book when they are awake. 

Today I will enjoy the day. I will not be in a hurry. Enjoy the little things. Laugh a lot. Listen more. Serve enthusiastically. Not take food for granted or shelter from the cold outside. I will treasure each moment with my sons. I will receive more joy from giving than receiving. All of that on Christmas day.