The Wilderness

 It was a costly decision. A fear-based decision instead of a faith based one. The popular opinion of the masses turned out to be dead wrong. Israel did not believe God to possess the promise land. You can read about that in Numbers 13-14. The decision cost them dearly. They were sentenced to wander in the wilderness until a whole generation died. They remained in the wilderness for 40 years. 

The wilderness is a barren, desolate, wasteland. Many people live in a spiritual wilderness because of disobedience. The wilderness is not a pleasant place to be. You may be in a wilderness as you read this. A spiritually dry, desolate, and desert place. You may be withering in your spirit in the wilderness. You may even have been there so long that you lost hope of ever getting out. It might have nothing to do with disobedience. God just might have things to teach you. 

There are lessons to be learned in the wilderness. Israel had to learn the lesson of trusting God by faith over and over again in those years of wandering. They were tested with lack of water, lack of food, lack of meat, and lack of protection from enemy forces. Israelites were not quick learners. They needed remedial courses in faith development. They had to be tested over and over again. 

If you find yourself in a wilderness, what lessons does God want you learn? You will be in the wilderness as long as it takes for you to learn. To embrace the things God wants to teach you and to build in you may expedite your time in the wilderness. The more you resist the longer your stay may be. 

Some of God's most amazing works can happen in the wilderness. God met Moses in a burning bush in the wilderness. God provided water at Mara. He provided mana in the desert. He brought water out of a rock. He sent in quail by the millions. He was Ebeneezer in a battle. God gave Elijah water and food through the door dash of raven's special delivery for years. 

We can become so fixated on getting out of the wilderness that we miss the mighty miraculous work of God in the wilderness. He might be doing things right underneath your nose that you do not even take notice. Quit looking at the misery of the wilderness and set your gaze firmly on Jehovah who is at work. [Jn 5:17] Sometimes He works in ways you do not easily see at first glance. Gaze deeper. Look longer. If you do God will reveal Himself. 

I have learned to thank God for the wilderness years. I have spent decades there. They were painfully confusing years. God proved Himself faithful. The wilderness of 2004-2005 was difficult. God taught me forever that He is our provider and not a church. He may use a church, but He is not limited to a church to meet our needs. The years of 2011-2017 were the most difficult years of my life. I lost hope and sank into a several years long depression I could not climb out. How I managed to preach and teach the word of God is a testimony of His unfailing faithfulness. Many times, I sat on the front row on a Sunday morning without the strength to preach. I buried my head in my hands pleading with God to help me. I dreaded the worship ending. I could not bring myself to preach those days. God did miracles week after week as I strode from my seat to the stage. I opened His word, and He made me come alive again to preach. Afterwards I sank right back into despair and fought it all week long scraping messages together. Then I fought the battle without faith, passion, or strength to preach on Sunday morning all over again. 

In those years people confessed to me that my preaching helped them through the hardest times in their lives. They did not know that I was preaching to myself. Out of my pain in the wilderness God helped others. 

I went through another wilderness in 2022-2023. I have rarely talked about what triggered it. I hit the bottom. My faith was tested and shattered. I am ashamed to admit during that wilderness I could barely pray at all. When I did, it was only mouthing words that I did not mean in my heart. I spent vast amounts of time in the prayer room at the church. I felt just as empty leaving as I felt entering. Even reading scripture did not help me out. I read through the scripture the most I had ever done before in that window of time. The darkness of the wilderness gripped me like a vice. 

It was a full year and a half before God let me exit the wilderness. It was a dark period. A lonely isolated period few knew about except Brenda and my closest of friends. Even some of those friends did not know because I did not share it. 

Going through the wilderness is part of our spiritual journey. One thing I have discovered is that just like we enter the wilderness, in God's due time, we also exit the wilderness. God does not waste wilderness experiences. There are lessons to be learned if we are teachable. What is God trying to teach you now in your wilderness season? The quicker you learn those lessons the faster He will lead you to the exit.