Cursing God

 His story was not easy to listen to as he unloaded his heart. In a relatively brief period, several tragedies unfolded in this man's life. First, he recounted spending several hours on a lake looking for the body of his sister they presumed drowned after jet skiing. He did not find her, but someone else did. He questioned why God took her. He said, "I openly cursed God out loud and meant it." 

From the tormented look on his face and the anguish in his voice, I could tell he has remorse over that tragedy and his outburst against God, but at the same time He is still angry. Things got worse for him. 

Because of the decomposing of his sister's body she was cremated. They guy said his parents put her ashes in what looked like a wooden treasure chest. They lived in the country and never locked their doors. A burglar came in and stole his sister's ashes thinking there were valuables in the chest. That pain was nearly as deep has losing his sister in the first place. That poured more salt in the wound and further alienated this guy from God. 

He began to drink beer. According to him it was never to get drunk. He just called it a bad habit of drinking about one beer per hour. He never said how many consecutive hours he did that. It was a way to cope with the pain. To numb the sorrow. 

He even confessed to opening his home to a Bible study with his church. He said he cooked food for the group in the kitchen, but drank beer while doing so. He commented that he never talked in the Bible study even though drowning in his own emotional sorrows. He lost hope. Things would get even worse. 

After the theft of their daughter's ashes, this man's mom put a bullet in her head because she lost hope. Though still alive, her son has a bullet in his soul killing him emotionally and spiritually. He goes through life numb. Sleep walking, going through the motions of his job, distant, and also without hope just like his mom. 

As he talked, God gave me scripture after scripture to share to help him navigate his pain. He pushed back on some of those and I listened attentively. My heart hurt for this guy. He was drowning in his pain like his sister drowned in the lake. He would not admit it, but beer was a crutch that helped with the bitterness seemly. Even though he did not get drunk, he most certainly got a buzz that helped to dull the anguish of his broken heart. 

Our conversation lasted for nearly an hour. He was a complete stranger to me before we talked. He professed to being saved. He also professed being ticked off at God and few around his private world knew it. He resents a God who would allow so many tragedies to happen to his family. I have never heard a story like his. 

I am betting he is not the only one who has cursed God. Not the only one walking around engulfed in bitterness toward a God, sullen, angry, filled with accusations of God's wrongdoing. Questions surface. Why does God allow tragedy to happen? Is God punishing for offenses committed against His laws?  If God has all the power to protect and bless, explain the reasons He leaves people unprotected in harm's way and feels more like He curses than blesses at times? Not easy questions to answer. 

I spoke scripture. Repeatedly I kept pointing this guy back to the Bible. I finally settled on one of my all time favorite passages from the book of Psalms. Psalm 27:13-14. This is a passage of hope. A passage of courage to keep getting up and facing hard days. A passage of endurance to wait on and trust in God. Many people need to hang onto the truths in those verses. 

The gentleman I spoke with shocked me when our conversation ended. He walked up to me so I stuck my hand to shake his hand. He brushed right past the hand and came in for a hug. It caught me off guard. He just needed a listening sympathetic ear. He also needed someone to lovingly but firmly speak the truth of God's word with passages like Isaiah 55:8-9. 

God can handle it when people curse Him. It has happened countless times in the past. He knows it comes from broken hearts. Confused minds cloud judgment. God is patient and compassionate. 

It reminded me of a time I cursed God. Without warning things suddenly turned way south in a ministry after years of success. Sitting in my chair in the living room writhing in the anguish of shattered dreams and disillusioned faith, I reached out for my Bible. I did not reach out to find comfort in it. I threw it across the room against the wall and shouted to God, "If this is how you treat those who serve you I will never serve you again and want nothing to do with you." That Bible sat crumpled on the floor for three days as I sat and sulked. One day turned into two and then two into three. On the third day, I could not stand it any longer. I repented and retrieved my Bible. God taught me a valuable lesson. He reminded me that no matter how bad things got He settled His love for me when He died on the cross. I've never doubted His love since that day. 

Neither can you say God does not love you. He forever settled that on the cross. Just read Romans 5:8. For the rest of your days, no matter how bleak things look, God loves you. He proved it. Even when you get angry with Him and curse Him. I am so thankful that God forgave me back then. I am thankful for verses like Psalm 103:12 and I John 1:9 that speak about His forgiveness. I am thankful for passages like Psalm 27:13-14 that have pulled me out of some dark times. Better days came. Tears dried. Hope surfaced. Faith triumphed. I trust He will do the same for you.