Under Assault

 Last night was not a good night. The constant assaults I have been under for the past several months associated with revival finally took their toll. The pain of it all spilled out. It was awkward. Not cohesive. Laced with pain and confusion I have lived with for some time. It came spilling out publicly in confession. 

One dear brother came to me in my office afterward to pray for me. Several encouraged me in the foyer and outside on the front porch. Others texted to tell me they were praying for me. 

I awoke with a pained heart. Yearning for God. This is where I have felt the most assault in the past several weeks. When I pray I am unable to focus. I often fall asleep. I do not hear from God. My thoughts go in a hundred directions on everything but God and prayer. I have pleaded for God to help me out. My faith has been wounded. Making prayer feel forced, dutiful instead of delightful. I am sad to report I prayed prayers I knew I did not believe when they left my lips. 

I questioned God. Languished in confusion and disillusion. I tried to pray through. It all felt hopeless. I knew I needed God, but God did not appear interested in meeting me. I doubted everything about the camp meetings I once believed so confidently and passionately. Everything felt like I was going through the motions. Numb.  

I felt a little spark of hope in prayer this morning. Then God pulled the veil that hung like curtains over my eyes. I finally saw clearly. Satan used demonic attacks to keep me from praying, to keep me from believing, to keep me from effective ministry. Suddenly, I saw that if the leader was taken out, soon others would fall too. Only the adversary did not know Spring Creek. These people rallied around their pastor. They stood in the gap for me. God heard and intervened. God broke through around mid morning today.  

The oppression lifted. I was able to pray forcefully as I have done in the past. Hope surfaced. Peace returned. Passion rekindled. God's word came alive on the pages filling me once again. For the first time in sometime, I prayed offensively and not defensively. My attitude soared. 

The spiritual war still rages on. The battle for Spring Creek and Parker County will not be won easily. Our enemy is well trained and fights savagely to protect ground he has grained. I am determined to see him driven out. Like soldiers advancing on D-Day, I press forward in this fight of faith surrounded by an army of prayer warriors battling at my side. I am thankful for the grace of God to pull me out and for a warring prayer-minded church to fight this spiritual battle on my behalf.