It's Always Been About Him

I still remember my first sermon if you could call it that. I was only 18 the summer after my senior year of high school. It was probably more like a testimony. An older college girl on fire for Jesus, named Kendra, in our church planned an outreach event for a sister church. I had recently surrendered to preach and she asked me to come and speak to those students. As I recall there were not many students at the Woodlawn Baptist Church in Lufkin, TX. I planned and planned on what I would say. I prayed a lot. When I gave the message I gave everything I had prepared in just a few minutes so I repeated myself. The whole thing lasted about seven minutes. A pretty woeful start.

About a year later my pastor, Charles Roberts, asked me to preach on a Sunday night at my home church Denman Avenue Baptist. Our congregation consisted of several hundred people. I was nervous to say the least.

I prayed, studied, prayed and studied some more. Fear gripped me like a vice. I finally convinced myself that I could not do it. I planned on canceling. I saw no way God use someone like me. Not once in my short life had I ever excelled at public speaking. I hated standing before crowds and speaking as a student yet I could deny God's call on me to preach. It scared me to death. I saw no way I could stand before those people for any length of time to share God's word. I planned on backing up and tried to muster the courage to call Brother Charles to inform him.

A very wise person got wind of my doubts and spoke words I treasure today 34 years later. "God will never call you to do something He will not equip you to do."

I went through with it.I took that step of faith and pleaded with God to help me. He did.  I fumbled and stumbled over my words as I preached about Moses and the burning bush when God called him. Seems Moses had some doubts too.

34 years later I still find myself on the front row at a church or youth camp pleading with God for help. I cry out for God to help me communicate His word. I am powerless to do it without Him. Even after all these years. I know I will fail and we will gather in vain if God does not speak and help. I doubt my ability but wholly lean on Him to use this vessel.

For 34 years that is exactly what He has done. Whether the crowd be barely a dozen, like I ministered the word too last night, or, over 1,000 like I have had the opportunity to preach God's word to on a few occasions, I still need Him. I cannot preach or teach without Him. He alone brings the results. Left on my own  I am just a babbling fool.

I need Him for teaching a Bible study. I need Him for preaching. I need Him for study and revelation. I need Him for fresh anointing. I need Him for passion. I need Him for results. I NEED HIM.

For 34 years He has opened doors. He has helped me time and again. He has protected me. He has saved the lost. He has ministered hope to the distraught. He has comforted the afflicted. He has lifted burdens and brought people to tears in conviction. He has revived. He has used this flawed vessel.

Often as I hear the last stanza of some song before I get up to preach I mutter this same prayer under my breath, "Jesus I ask You to anoint my mind with Your thoughts, anoint my mouth to speak Your truth and anoint my heart to feel Your passion. Please bring these all into unison so I can be your vessel. I have prayed this prayer at First Baptist Churches, at Beach Camps in Panama City, FL, at small country churches with sparse crowds and at big youth events. I NEED HIM.

Me. Just an average young man from deep east Texas God hand picked. I thought He was wrong. I resisted but He persisted. I surrendered. He has helped me all these years since. I still depend on Jesus for help to this day. I NEED HIM.

I don't know why He chose me but I am humbled He did. It has never been about me. It has always and I pray will always be about Him.

John 3:30 (NKJV)
30  He must increase, but I must decrease.