Just When It Couldn't Get Worse

Furiously I scribbled notes to finalize sermon preparation just moments before the service started. Then someone walked in to visit and I had to put that on the back burner. I lost track of time and realized I didn't have time to put on my "Sunday best."

I went into the sanctuary to begin the morning service in old clothes. Immediately I saw people whispering and pointing out my sloppy dress. In the back I saw a young man along with his father and grandfather. I planed to baptize that young man that morning. I  planned to say an opening prayer and slip out of the service to get dressed in proper attire. Everything was going according to plan but when I stepped outside the door to make my way to the guest house I stayed in I got surrounded by a pack of dogs. Aggressive angry dogs. I stared them down and fought them off with a garbage can of all things. Finally they backed off and left only after connecting the garbage can with a couple fo canine jaws. Hurriedly I went inside to change clothes and get back to the service. It took longer than I planned. I was sooo late.

Upon arriving it suddenly dawned on me, "I forgot to put water in the baptistry." I sank the floor and started to weep. Brenda wanted to know what was wrong with me. I had a half prepared sermon. I had a kid and his family coming for a baptism service that I botched. My shoddy dress had embarrassed me and others that morning. Things were definitely not going my way.

If things could not have gotten worse they did when I actually fell asleep during the offertory prayer and woke myself up snoring. Others noticed too. I sunk a little deeper in the seat to hide from the eyes burning holes into my back.

Discouraged at this point I sat there with my head buried in my hands. Nothing seemed to go right. At first my eyes grew moist. Then they leaked a single tear on each side. That single tear flowed down my cheeks like water flowing from a waterfall dropping onto the carpet below. It felt like I ruined the whole service. Some attendees were so offended by all of it they got up and left. Barely half the people remained.

How could I possibly get up to preach? After the miscues of the morning why would any of them listen to me and I felt unprepared on top of that. Predictably the sermon bombed. I fell flat on my face in a very public crash and burn.

Then....

Have you ever had a day like that. Just when it could not get worse it kept getting worse. Sadly those days come.

Then... after not be properly dressed, not filling the baptistry and not being fully prepared to preach it got better. Surprisingly better. I WOKE UP!

Yep. It had all been one long nightmare. It never really happened. It felt real. I could feel real anxiety. I kept scrambling in my mind how to fix the situation.

In the dream at the end God spoke to me. Here is what He said. "Quit trying so hard. Rely on Me. Let Me do the work through you." 

In all my ministry striving, all my energies, efforts and best made plans I have often failed. Two planted churches disbanded. My first pastorate ended with plummeted attendance and finances. Multiple failed evangelistic campaigns in towns like Hudson, TX and Kermit, TX. Meager results and meager fruit. Multiple books I printed that ended up in boxes in my garage more than on someone's shelves. Repeated wrong moves and missteps. I've stayed up late, awakened early all too no avail. All striving, working, planning, serving, praying, hoping to be a part of God's great miraculous move.

What God wants is for me to be still and know Him. [Ps 46:10] What God wants is for me abide in Him and let Him do the work through me. [John 15:5] What God desires is my surrender and willingness to let Him lead. [Luke 9:23] He wants my trust even in the worst case scenarios when I think things couldn't get any worse and they do. [Ex14:14]

Maybe that dream was just a subtle reminder to slow down. To linger with God. To walk with Him wherever He leads. To cease striving and start clinging to Him. To let Him unfold the plan. To watch Him do the work as I fully rely on Him. I think I get the message loud and clear.