I Heard Her Last Heartbeat

 God called a dear sister in Christ home today. A fantastic wife, mother, follower of Jesus, and talented singer. With her husband and kids, they travelled all over the United States leading people in worship. She battled cancer and after months of treatment and excruciating pain, she slowly drifted into heaven while her husband lay beside her in the bed listening to her heart beat head on her chest. 

Of course there are the same old questions why. Why did God take such a useful person in the advancement of His kingdom? Why did God call her her home to Him leaving a grieving husband and devastated children? Why did God not answer prayers for her physical healing, even though we know she is healed now? 

I hurt for her husband. A gifted musician, song writer, and worship leader. His world is wrecked. Those are his words. I know he is not the first widower in the history of the world. It still does not make it any easier. Somehow all the church cliches and Bible verses ring a little hollow in his grief. I know God is near to those who broken hearted and saves those crushed in spirit. [Ps 34:18] I know God works all things for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. [Rom 8:28]. I know that in Jesus we have peace, but in the world we have tribulation. We are to take courage because Jesus has overcome the world. [Jn 16:33] I know precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His godly ones. [Ps 116:15] None of truths take away that a middle aged wife and mother is tragically taken from her husband and children. I know she would not return if she had the chance. It still does take away the vice grip of grief. 

All of those things are emphatically and eternally true. It still does not take the pain away from a devoted husband losing his best friend and spouse. I hurt for him and the children. Outside his home, life goes on. People hustle and bustle in frenzied activities of back to school, work, start of football, volleyball, band, and cross country practices. Inside his home are rivers of tears. There is anger and shock that suddenly she is gone forever. No more gentle kisses, hugs, morning breakfasts, movie nights, date nights, or casual conversations. Those things are just memories to cherish. 

I feel both guilty and grateful that I still have Brenda to go home to tomorrow evening. I still have the chance to tell her I'm madly in love with her. Still love to spend time with her doing just about anything. I still get to chase and serve God with her by my side. I kissed her goodbye near the curb of our front yard yesterday morning. Those are blessings my brother will never enjoy again with is deceased bride. It reminds me not to take Brenda for granted. 

I know God will sustain this devastated man of God in his grief. God will help him keep living one day at a time. God will help him write new songs and guide him to be able to sing them authentically. My brother has some very hard days ahead of him. He is in the weeping for a night. I pray God usher him into the joy that comes in the morning. [Ps 30:5]